Baby: They put me to sleep in the nursery, promising me that soon I would experience a new way of living.
Baby: When I woke up, there was only darkness.
Baby: For 3 days I waited, trapped in an impenetrable fortress of endless night.
Baby: Finally, on the third day, a light appeared at the end of the tunnel.
Baby: A tiny light, but light nonetheless.
Baby: Suddenly, an uncontrollable, unstoppable force began to push me toward the light. I had no choice but to confront it.
Baby: Somewhere on the other side of the darkness, I could hear screaming.
Baby: Finally, in a burst of confetti and terror, I emerged.
Baby: And so I gaze upon you for the first time, Father, the first born anal birth of a forever virgin, with disappointment.
Baby: I requested Pascal.